dear frank,
i don't know whether i love you or whether i am infatuated with the concept of loving u.. this past week has been one of the sweetest experiences i have ever had.. just bein in ur presence gives me an all time high.. i can't get u off my mind and even tho i detach myself from my feelings, u know i can't keep u away from me.. i even drove to mathew st. just to see if u were home and get a glimpse of u.. how pathetic was that? i'm startin to think i'm a stalker.. like i said before, i think i should let u go before i do fall in love with u.. thanks for the kiss.. my first kiss ever.. hazard park around 5pm.. see i remember the details.. josh was in the trunk and u pulled a fast one on me.. i wanted to kiss u back but i was still holdin on to what is left of my resistance toward fallin in love.. i hate the fact that i feel so weak when u're around.. u have that power over me.. i can't mess with u like i used to.. this player's ready to ditch her tricks, just for u.. i'm gettin tired of teasin the guys.. i'm ready to get down & serious.. i freakin hold my emotions on my sleeve now.. i pray to God that u are sincere with ur intentions and that i'm not one of ur casual girls of the past- those that u hump and dump.. i wanna explore the possibilities with u.. experience a lot of my firsts with u (not sex tho.. that's waitin till marriage).. u already possess my kiss, my hand-holding, my intimate hug.. wow! u must be some guy to get those from me so quickly.. some say 4 months is long, but in comparison to the others i've made wait for years.. or was it that i surrendered to mere feelings stimulated by these hormones.. i just hope it's not the emotions that drove this but actual love.. i hate this feeling.. i wanna be ur girl.. i want u to be mine.. u keep tellin me that u want me to finish med school before we get together but i don't think i can wait for u that long.. u may not be mr. right or maybe u are.. whatever case, i'm willing to see.. u know that pringles commercial: once u pop, u can't stop.. that motto has stuck with me all my life-- till now.. i refused to give in cuz look what is happenin between u and me.. i let u into my heart.. i opened up and i can't get enough of u.. i want u so much.. i want u by my side.. some girls fall in love blindly and i think i am one of them.. i got to know u, ur virtues, morals.. omg i can't believe my parents love u.. what an unlikely situation - my parents accept u.. wow!.. u told me life is about takin risks but to make sure u read the warnings before jumpin in.. i've done my homework and am ready to take that risk.. just hold my hand and promise not to let go.. but if circumstances lead us to part, i'll just be glad i had the opportunity to share a part of me with someone special..
-affectionately yours-
i'm goin crzy.. i'm out of my usual self.. someone needs to salvage what's left of my dignity..
i'm just so confused about a lot of things in my life.. here's one of them (copied from an email i sent nancy)
-----
last friday, ryan told me that michael, the one who kissed me on the cheek, called & told me to get ready by 7:00 pm cuz he wants to take me out.. beforehand, frank & i were laughin it up just enjoyin each other's company.. but when he heard about michael he refused to look me in the eyes, didn't smile & began givin me short, one-sentence answers.. so i knew somethin was up.. luckily, it was my aunt's bday so i couldn't accept mike's offer.. i cancelled & frank found out.. he was supposed to leave early but decided to just hang w/ me & played w/ my bros until the bday party.. he had the biggest smile on his face..
when the kids were out playin, he decided to take off the gold ring on his finger & slipped it in mine.. my heart lept but i tried to play it off like he was jokin around.. the whole weekend i had the ring on my necklace cuz i liked the feelin of bein loved.. my family was becomin ever more suspicious about what's goin on.. i kept thinkin bout what the ring meant since he didn't say anythin.. i figured that it meant we were together *shrug* even tho i didn't think so.. saturday, he dropped by, saw the ring on my necklace & was super happy.. after much debate, i decided to return the ring on monday.. Reason: 1) a ring is a valuable thing to just give away w/out explanation 2) he hasn't even said he liked me 3) if it was a friend givin it to me, i would take it but since emotions are involved & he hasn't told me straight out that he felt the same way, i don't think it's right to keep it 4) in case he was PLAYIN me, i didn't want to look like a moron.. players know what and how to say things that make girls melt..
-----
oh blogger.. how i miss thee! now that i got everyone's attn on the xanga i can use this as my personal outlet..
early this morning from 1-4:30 i talked to r.salonga.. it was nice to have that feelin of affection again.. i guess i've lost touch with my girly emotions because of all that has happened with mame.. i've been set to do routine things & i haven't had any fun.. so talkin to R was a nice change.. kissable lips.. haha but he's stationed in korea so i know it's all good to just talk to him since i will not see him (at least, any time soon)
to address the frank business, i can't imagine a day not seein him.. i know how pathetic i might sound (esp because of the age gap -- 5 yrs), but he makes me sing everytime i see him.. there's just somethin about the way he looks at me with those adorable brown eyes, pretends he's not lookin, & later asks me to go places with him (u all know i always refuse an offer).. the only issue i have with him is that he's too chicken to ask me out in front of my parents.. haha.. he prolly knows that they'll get angry.. ah the sweet taste of forbidden crushes.. also, i'm a bit sad since this week is the last day for construction (meaning = i will not see him again)
i can honestly say that my mom leavin for pinas was a partial blessing.. i usually can't show that much interest in a guy when she's around.. even tho she says i'm old enough, there still lies a strong harness that stops me from falling in love.. so these 3 weeks of bliss have been great.. thank you, mame, for giving me this gift even tho u had to leave this earth for me to experience it..
at night i still have sadness for my grandma's passing.. but with people out there losing their family, i can't really complain of one life.. pakistan had a 7.2 earthquake, hurricane damage in lousiana & texas, flooding in latin america.. gosh, is the end-times? who knows, right? just be prepared!
eek i have a hp420 (gender and minority) midterm right now.. i'm scared to my bones
hey y'all.. i be in the dirty south (georgia) ridin all them cows (or was it cowboys? but then again there ain't no cowboys in the east) and makin the cluckers as my very own pet.. i'll be fixin to come back to the west around the first week of august so telegraph me before then.. call this here thing they call a celly phone.. it's too darn complicated to use.. hahaha..
till then, don't let no rednecks catch u
I'm going to stop procrastinating ... once I get around to it.
- unknown (nor surprisingly)
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dear frank,
i don't know whether i love you or whether i am infatuated with the concept of loving u.. this past week has been one of the sweetest experiences i have ever had.. just bein in ur presence gives me an all time high.. i can't get u off my mind and even tho i detach myself from my feelings, u know i can't keep u away from me.. i even drove to mathew st. just to see if u were home and get a glimpse of u.. how pathetic was that? i'm startin to think i'm a stalker.. like i said before, i think i should let u go before i do fall in love with u.. thanks for the kiss.. my first kiss ever.. hazard park around 5pm.. see i remember the details.. josh was in the trunk and u pulled a fast one on me.. i wanted to kiss u back but i was still holdin on to what is left of my resistance toward fallin in love.. i hate the fact that i feel so weak when u're around.. u have that power over me.. i can't mess with u like i used to.. this player's ready to ditch her tricks, just for u.. i'm gettin tired of teasin the guys.. i'm ready to get down & serious.. i freakin hold my emotions on my sleeve now.. i pray to God that u are sincere with ur intentions and that i'm not one of ur casual girls of the past- those that u hump and dump.. i wanna explore the possibilities with u.. experience a lot of my firsts with u (not sex tho.. that's waitin till marriage).. u already possess my kiss, my hand-holding, my intimate hug.. wow! u must be some guy to get those from me so quickly.. some say 4 months is long, but in comparison to the others i've made wait for years.. or was it that i surrendered to mere feelings stimulated by these hormones.. i just hope it's not the emotions that drove this but actual love.. i hate this feeling.. i wanna be ur girl.. i want u to be mine.. u keep tellin me that u want me to finish med school before we get together but i don't think i can wait for u that long.. u may not be mr. right or maybe u are.. whatever case, i'm willing to see.. u know that pringles commercial: once u pop, u can't stop.. that motto has stuck with me all my life-- till now.. i refused to give in cuz look what is happenin between u and me.. i let u into my heart.. i opened up and i can't get enough of u.. i want u so much.. i want u by my side.. some girls fall in love blindly and i think i am one of them.. i got to know u, ur virtues, morals.. omg i can't believe my parents love u.. what an unlikely situation - my parents accept u.. wow!.. u told me life is about takin risks but to make sure u read the warnings before jumpin in.. i've done my homework and am ready to take that risk.. just hold my hand and promise not to let go.. but if circumstances lead us to part, i'll just be glad i had the opportunity to share a part of me with someone special..
-affectionately yours-
i'm goin crzy.. i'm out of my usual self.. someone needs to salvage what's left of my dignity..
i'm just so confused about a lot of things in my life.. here's one of them (copied from an email i sent nancy)
-----
last friday, ryan told me that michael, the one who kissed me on the cheek, called & told me to get ready by 7:00 pm cuz he wants to take me out.. beforehand, frank & i were laughin it up just enjoyin each other's company.. but when he heard about michael he refused to look me in the eyes, didn't smile & began givin me short, one-sentence answers.. so i knew somethin was up.. luckily, it was my aunt's bday so i couldn't accept mike's offer.. i cancelled & frank found out.. he was supposed to leave early but decided to just hang w/ me & played w/ my bros until the bday party.. he had the biggest smile on his face..
when the kids were out playin, he decided to take off the gold ring on his finger & slipped it in mine.. my heart lept but i tried to play it off like he was jokin around.. the whole weekend i had the ring on my necklace cuz i liked the feelin of bein loved.. my family was becomin ever more suspicious about what's goin on.. i kept thinkin bout what the ring meant since he didn't say anythin.. i figured that it meant we were together *shrug* even tho i didn't think so.. saturday, he dropped by, saw the ring on my necklace & was super happy.. after much debate, i decided to return the ring on monday.. Reason: 1) a ring is a valuable thing to just give away w/out explanation 2) he hasn't even said he liked me 3) if it was a friend givin it to me, i would take it but since emotions are involved & he hasn't told me straight out that he felt the same way, i don't think it's right to keep it 4) in case he was PLAYIN me, i didn't want to look like a moron.. players know what and how to say things that make girls melt..
-----
oh blogger.. how i miss thee! now that i got everyone's attn on the xanga i can use this as my personal outlet..
early this morning from 1-4:30 i talked to r.salonga.. it was nice to have that feelin of affection again.. i guess i've lost touch with my girly emotions because of all that has happened with mame.. i've been set to do routine things & i haven't had any fun.. so talkin to R was a nice change.. kissable lips.. haha but he's stationed in korea so i know it's all good to just talk to him since i will not see him (at least, any time soon)
to address the frank business, i can't imagine a day not seein him.. i know how pathetic i might sound (esp because of the age gap -- 5 yrs), but he makes me sing everytime i see him.. there's just somethin about the way he looks at me with those adorable brown eyes, pretends he's not lookin, & later asks me to go places with him (u all know i always refuse an offer).. the only issue i have with him is that he's too chicken to ask me out in front of my parents.. haha.. he prolly knows that they'll get angry.. ah the sweet taste of forbidden crushes.. also, i'm a bit sad since this week is the last day for construction (meaning = i will not see him again)
i can honestly say that my mom leavin for pinas was a partial blessing.. i usually can't show that much interest in a guy when she's around.. even tho she says i'm old enough, there still lies a strong harness that stops me from falling in love.. so these 3 weeks of bliss have been great.. thank you, mame, for giving me this gift even tho u had to leave this earth for me to experience it..
at night i still have sadness for my grandma's passing.. but with people out there losing their family, i can't really complain of one life.. pakistan had a 7.2 earthquake, hurricane damage in lousiana & texas, flooding in latin america.. gosh, is the end-times? who knows, right? just be prepared!
eek i have a hp420 (gender and minority) midterm right now.. i'm scared to my bones
hey y'all.. i be in the dirty south (georgia) ridin all them cows (or was it cowboys? but then again there ain't no cowboys in the east) and makin the cluckers as my very own pet.. i'll be fixin to come back to the west around the first week of august so telegraph me before then.. call this here thing they call a celly phone.. it's too darn complicated to use.. hahaha..
till then, don't let no rednecks catch u